kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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