i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Define "chronic" masturbator.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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