'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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