so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
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That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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