that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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