How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
