we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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