3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
