Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
