I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
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