First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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