Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
