So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
