oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
