That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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