I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
