By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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