She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
