the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
