What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
