Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
