Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
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