I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
