yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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