I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
