just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize