"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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