he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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