If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Did I show you my penis last night?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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