dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
