Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
That accounts for only three of the penises
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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