Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
