I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
