Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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