so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
