so explain again why im purple
no
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
