Ambien. No doubt about it.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
