Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
