You're completely useless in the revolution.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
