he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
