kristin has been a bad kristin
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
