i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
