Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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