i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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