im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
