Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
that may or may not have been my penis.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
