Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
