After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
