It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
