Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
