but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
