We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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