We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
