Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize