Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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