My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
