Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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