dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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