By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
