Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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