You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
