Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
