The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
