come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
