Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
