She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
