Don't make out with my wife yet
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
