i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
