My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
