I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
