and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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