Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
