Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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