if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
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whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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