I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
