I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
