Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
