I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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